Harmony Vegetarian

Gross "chicken" at Harmony Vegetarian

An open air restaurant that I only agreed to go to as an alternative to a very nice and very full Dim Sum place next door, Harmony Vegetarian offers poor attempts to convince carnophiles that imitation meat can still be delicious.


Atmosphere:

At midday, the lighting is glorious. The entire restaurant doesn’t require lights because of the light penetration. The air seems clear, but starts to get stuffy after a bit, since the windows in the front face the barely-setting sun. Our table was set in a corner. No seriously, a space big enough for our table was cut out of the wall. Space was limited. Claustrophobics beware. The tables were covered with nice laminated lace. I have no idea the word, but it looked intricate and was waterproof. The servers were attentive and helpful, especially when a clumsier member of my group spilled their entire cup of water. Traffic inside was minimal, which made it quite peaceful. It was directly after church though, and an extended family of ~20 came in just as we were leaving.

Actual Food:

Appetizer was the peak of the meal, a sweetened, tarty radish and carrot mix. From there it all went downhill, very very fast. Their mission statement on the inside of their menus was in perfect English, promising a pleasing experience for both vegetarians and non-vegetarians. Though their translation was perfect, the meaning was not. Imitation meat does not equal real meat in any sense. Never. This locale proves it. I ordered Peking short ribs, which is essentially normal ribs cut in half. Now, understandably, there exist no imitation bones, but what they churned out of that hell kitchen was breaded bread SATURATED with sweet and sour sauce. They didn’t even try on this meat. Straight up tasted like funnel cake from a fairgrounds, except instead of nice amounts of frosted sugar, there was sauce. To quote a wise man, “If a man does not have the sauce, then he is lost. But the same man can be lost in the sauce.” I was drowning in that labyrinth of a sauce. This was the worst imitation meat out of the group, thankfully. My friend ordered lo mein, because “even if the imitation meat is eh, you still have lo mein.” A true revolutionary. Their imitation beef was good tofu, had a salty umami taste and a tough texture to match real meat. Finally, the imitation seafood was probably the funniest thing I saw that day. The imitation shrimp was IMITATION CRAB simply cut in the shape of normal shrimp. The taste was, as expected, imitation crab. I felt like I was eating double imitation food. The entire meal felt like that feeling you get when drinking a Diet Coke immediately after reading about how artificial sugar causes cancer.


Rating:

A lack of classiness and convincing meat means that I will remain a carnivore, enjoying my veggies vicariously through my food’s food. 1/33 shrimp-shaped imitation crab pieces.

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